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| "If you find yourself here on my side of town, i pray that you'd come to my door. And talk to me like you don't know what we ever fought about, 'cause i don't remember anymore." - Brightest by Copeland
So the rest of that song has nothing to do with my life, but those two lines are pretty good summations. We can either embrace change or fight it. But no matter how we deal with it, change will happen in one way or another.
I think i hate spring because i'm so excited about summer that i can't enjoy it. This spring is no different, and i don't even know whats going on this summer.
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| this is a reminder to myself that i'm not supposed to have it all figured out. Furthermore, holding back from myself, my friends, and my dreams is probably the one thing that can keep me from finding more answers to my questions. Life is supposed to be messy. So I'm going to choose to roll with the punches, put myself out there, and just hope that someday this crazy time called college (and all that comes with it) will all make a little more sense.
Its wonderful to realize that you are who you want to be, and that you are living your dreams. Its wonderful to know that things will only get better. But even two years into college, its still scary to not have the security of knowing what tomorrow brings. Scary or invigorating... sometimes they are one in the same....
That post was way to heavy to represent the fun break i've had... i just needed to process some of those thoughts.
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| I feel like i should have something pretty profound to say, because it seems like a trend on xanga these days (whether its just a line or a whole post). I really can't put anything significant together, though. I'm an hour into my microbiology studying marathon today, and i'm already a little discouraged and distracted. That's exam week, though. Once this exam is over, all my work to get into nursing school will virtually be over with it. Anything else is just in God's hands.
Speaking of God, let's go to grace center over christmas break. I'm really in the mood to just lose myself in worship, and i haven't had the opportunity to do that in so long. Then let's stay up late at night talking about God and life like we always do. Let's add a little hot chocolate to that and call it the best break ever, okay?
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| it snowed today in knoxville, and there is christmas music on the radio.
Its a good day.
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| I wrote this last April, but I find that its a lesson I'm still struggling with... Just thought I would share it. Warning, its a little theological.
Its so easy to take hold of the idea that you are average. That you are sub-par at most, okay at a lot, and brilliant about little. I failed two tests last week and barely passed one, even though I can say that I studied hard for them. Now with finals on the horizon, the work is steadily piling in. I feel the pressure to perform well on all of these tests just to keep my grades at my lowest standard for myself.
After days of being on edge, snapping at small annoyances, and venting (okay, crying) to mom... well, I can say that I feel like I'm regressing to middle school in some ways. More importantly, I'm realizing how much I get my identity from my consistent scholastic performance. I kept apologizing to Dad for how much I talk about my school stress. I kept preparing him for all the potentially bad grades on the report card, but all he could say was that he was proud of me. Although I don't know what specifically he was talking about, I do know that he (a 4.0 student) couldn't care anywhere near as much about my performance as I did. He just said that he was so impressed by my character and the heart behind my actions. When he said that, in the midst of feeling hopelessly average, I felt like the most special person in the world.
I can't help but think of how much this parallels with our heavenly father. We spend so much time worrying about our performance in this aspect of our faith and life that we burden ourselves. But we have a Father who identifies us with Christ, the perfection of the universe, simply because we humbled ourselves to accept Him. He saw that humility and unlocked the keys to our hearts. He gave us a new character, and this new character is the thing that makes him proudest. This thing that we already have-- our new hearts and character that Christ is developing. To Him, we are anything but average. Our performance is not impressive to Him because it isn't impressive, but rather because it pales in comparison to our character-- His character.
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